Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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