Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
