From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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