I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize