my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need a beard to bite.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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