I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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