Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
