but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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