I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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