theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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