i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
