Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize