Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
