I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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