Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
