just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
