My friends, they love my intelligence
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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