one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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