see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
