He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
