i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
