her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
