DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
