Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
