You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
