and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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