And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I want to fling myself into the sun
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
