my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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