My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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