I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?