have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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