I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods