Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
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You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.