I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me