plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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