Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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