you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
