Your mouth is God's brothel.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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