so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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