i jhust puked up my retainher.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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