Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
