Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
True college students do jello shots in the library
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
