you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
