I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
