Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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