i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize