oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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