So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
