I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
