This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
