Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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