Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
