Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Hippo gnu deer
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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