my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
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You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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