Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
