apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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