I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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