I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
