Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
