Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
