It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
