Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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