Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
