It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
