so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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