i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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