mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
