you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Randomize
