He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
