She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
