Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
