Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
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apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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