Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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